The Concept of Soul Families

Spirituality and Baby Loss


Julia Go

12/24/2021 3 min read

When my son, Simon, died in February 2016 I asked the question why the same way many other parents do when they lost their baby.

Why? Why me?

Is it karma? Have I done something wrong?

"Everything happens for a reason." Really? How is that supposed to help me? Which reason?

"You're supposed to learn something." Am I? What the f*** should I learn from this? I'd rather stay "stupid".

Don't get me wrong. I learnt a lot and I like looking at my learning, acknowledge them and how far I've come. It's powerful. But would I rather take my baby back than have those learnings?


There were not many satisfying answers to the question of why a baby dies.

Why do parents have to bury or burn their child?

One thought, one spiritual concept, helped me, even made me feel warm and smile and that is the concept of soul families, as James Van Praagh describes it in his book "Growing up in Heaven".

Before I start explaining what soul families are and dive into this rather woo-woo concept I have to tell you that I did not grow up religious nor spiritual. My parents never really talked about things like this and if anything it was talked about as nonsense.

My belief system was more directed to the opposite. No god, no nothing, just a church that uses peoples belief for their advantage. I'm telling you this so you know that I am not particularly prepositioned to believe in all this stuff. Not more than we all are by nature.

So what are soul families?

The idea behind soul families, of course, is that we all have a soul that decided to come on earth to have a human experience. I'm not going into the science of what a soul is or might be, but let's say it is unlimited energy. A soul is always evolving, growing and expanding depending on our choices.

Before we come to this earth, from a spiritual perspective, we are creating pacts with other individuals in our soul family to assist each other with various lessons. We make bonds that we want to have on earth and we're helping each other out with different lessons that we have to learn for our soul to grow.

For me, there are three main things to take away from this book that became part of how I see the world, part of my healing and part of the trust developed for life. We decide to live on this earth despite knowing we are going to be in pain. We even want to know the pain, to appreciate and feel the love more. Our silly souls, right?

Secondly, children who die as souls are more advanced than others. If a baby or child dies, they have a very mature soul and only need a short time on earth to accomplish their purpose.

Our souls made hard choices when they went on earth. They knew some of the lessons they have to learn will be hard and almost unbearable, but they decided to do it anyway or exactly because of that.

Last but not least, that leads me to the conclusion that we all are connected. I opened my heart to woo-woo and it helped me heal. The love and connection with our babies will be there forever. We don’t need a physical bond to feel this. For us, as humans, it is hard to lose our baby. It is hard to not know what other “stupid” life lessons we have to learn, but when we decided to come here we knew we would not survive anyways.

I’m writing this with a wink. I survived the loss of my baby and I feel so much more love, openness and “knowing”. I feel “wiser” than I was before.

I know I am surrounded by wise souls and I can feel it in meditation and when I open my heart. I don’t feel silly when I talk to Simon, the stars, a butterfly or someone or something else.

If you lost your baby, you might feel like the victim and in your human experience, you are. You did not make a conscious choice, but you can take some of your power back, when you are ready, by choosing to believe that your baby is around you, that your baby loves you, that it was not your fault, but the two of you decided long ago that you are ready for this, no matter how hard it will be.

I’m sending you so much love

Your Julia